consistency..

i just recently created a little database to help keep track of my job interviews, since i'm not sure if i'm consistent enough with my interviews- so the employer actually thinks i'm interested in the job. there are a few that i wasn't able to complete all the information about the job but i'm also kinda sure those jobs already made it clear that they weren't interested in hiring me. fredrick and i went to walmart to pick up some groceries and a new lock box. i kinda feel like people are purposely neglecting helping me get everything i need done like cashing my refund check. i'll just have to tell my psychologist about this tomorrow since i get the feeling people purposely neglect doing their jobs responsibly because i don't have the proper advocacy to make sure they're doing their jobs correctly. "YOU GOT THIS!" no.. i don't. I TRY TELLING PEOPLE WHAT I NEED DONE AND THEY ALWAYS FIND EXCUSES NOT TO DO IT. except fredrick- i'm pretty sure i can nag him into helping me properly but people like zen and some of the other ics workers- assume i'm too handicapped/disabled to do things- so they give themselves the right not to help me with everything i want help with. I'M SO GLAD I HAVE TO DEPEND ON PEOPLE WHO MAKE EXCUSES NOT TO HELP ME ADEQUATELY! i paid for driving lessons, i went through driving assessments, i passed the damn driver's permit test at least 3 or 4 times my whole life. people don't wanna help me because it's NOT THEIR problems. when you people learn how to be empathetic and put yourself in MY shoes- you guys can start to have a fucking opinion on what i do and how i do it. talk to your mom ALL the fuck you want about this shit but until you start to fucking put yourself in MY shoes- NOTHING YOU THINK, SAY, OR DO IS WORTH SHIT. sorry i don't wanna take after my damn mom and live off social security and welfare while being unemployed when i KNOW i'm capable of MORE. IF YOU WANNA SEE SOMEONE GO TO COURAGE KENNY SO DAMN BAD.. YOU QUIT YOUR JOB AND GO THERE EVERY DAMN DAY BEING UNDERESTIMATED AND TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF BECAUSE YOU LACK KNOWLEDGABLE ADVOCACY. WHAT'S THAT? YOU DON'T WANNA DO IT BECAUSE IT WON'T HELP YOU? WHAT A COINCIDENCE! ME EITHER! THEY FAILED ME AT LEAST 3 TIMES FOR THE DRIVING EXAM- CLAIMING I NEEDED MORE THERAPY WHEN I FUCKING ATTENDED THE STUPID FITNESS CENTER FOR AT LEAST 4 FUCKING YEARS. THE ONLY WAY I'D NEED MORE DAMN THERAPY AFTER GOING FOR THAT DAMN LONG WOULD BE IF I WAS A FUCKING VEGETABLE. i'm sick of those fuckers gaslighting me. i have the damn videos to prove that i had therapy there and i'm sure if i look back on my blog- i mentioned going there a bunch of times in the past. i'm not doing this shit anymore. i'm a human being with feelings and goals too. when i got in the car accident i was in, it's almost like i died. since minnesota has told me i don't have the cognitive skills to drive, I'LL MOVE TO A DIFFERENT STATE WHERE I DO HAVE THE PROPER SKILLS TO FUNCTION HOW IT'D HELP ME LIVE HAPPILY AND CONSTRUCTIVELY. the east coast has a better transportation system anyway and it's more available and convenient. THANKS AMANDA! YOUR CARELESSNESS AND INABILITY TO HELP ME ACTUALLY HELPED ME MAKE THIS DECISION! just an example of all the "care" and "support" i get in this state. YOU GOT THIS!